Strike 1: Preorders
When Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning was announced, I was filled with glee. The Warhammer IP was something I've been fond of for quite some time, and I've been somewhat of a connoisseur of the MMO. I pre-ordered the collector's edition April 2, 2008, during the first wave of preorders for the bulky, beautiful edition that I still keep on my bookshelf. As the release day loomed on September 18th of that year, I saw that my order had not even come close to shipping -- but was able to read on the forums that people who pre-ordered the CE the week before release had already gotten their titles. Amazon didn't mark my copy as out for shipping until the 20th -- a Saturday -- meaning it didn't even enter the postal system until Monday the 22nd. It arrived a whole week after the release, leaving me in danger of completely missing the "grace period" offered by game designers to preorder customers. I had to purchase a second copy of the game just to be able to play it at launch.
I didn't even notice when Amazon changed it's shipping policies when I made an order of $90 of various and sundry D&D products in September of 2011. I was puzzled when I noticed it was marked as delivered at around 8 AM to the desk of my building's mailroom two days later. One problem - the "mailroom" of the 12 story high rise I live in is an open expanse with no security, no one to accept delivery, and no desk. It's just a row of mailboxes just inside the front door. I went searching for it at 8:30, only to find that it was gone. I contacted Amazon, who reported that drivers often mark a package out for delivery early, and asked me to wait. I did -- and the package didn't show up that day. Rather, it did -- I found the empty box in the dumpster behind my building. After Amazon contacted Lazership, who contacted the driver, I was informed that the driver was unable to enter my building due to a lock being on the door, so he just left the package by the main building entrance and left. Never mind that there was a leasing office two doors down that could've taken the package. Never mind that he could've said he was unable to deliver. Never mind that he could have used the box next to the door to call me by inputting my apartment number. After contacting customer service again, I had another package sent out the next day, but this experience was enough to prevent me from ordering from Amazon until a) they ditched Lazership, b) they let me select my own shipper, or c) I knew that Lazership couldn't screw up another order.
Strike 3: The Box Full of Pubic Hair
After more than a year of shunning Amazon, I ordered a personal grooming razor from Amazon this past weekend. Their delivery locker policy relieved me enough that I was willing to give them another chance. It arrived very quickly, which I was surprised by, and opened the pristine package (other than a long, dark hair being trapped in the tape) that contained a razor that had clearly been used. There were scratches all over the mirrored pseudo-chrome surface, fingerprint smudges across the polish, a garish gash in the plastic surface of the power button, and some sort of whitish crusty substance near the hair guard. It'd clearly been used - a lot - and appears in worse condition than the trimmer I just pitched after years of use.
If this weren't bad enough, I opened the area where the blade was washable, only to find it filled with someone else's hair. Filled to the point where they spilled out all over me. I spent about fifteen minutes covered in what appeared to be someone else's pubic hair. This product had not only been used, but it appeared it had been returned and rather than being inspected, shoved in a new box and sent to dear old me without any proper quality control. The pictures I have do not do this horror justice -- they're taken with a poor quality camera (my last-gen iPod Touch) and are after 2 passes with a compressed air duster and a washing. I'd not thought to take pictures until after I'd calmed down. Horrified, I called customer service, and was offered a refund provided I returned the unit. The replacement was what I'd expected, but I should have never had that experience to begin with, and it certainly doesn't make up for the fact that Amazon covered me in what appeared to be another man's pubic hair.
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| Yep. Looks good as new. Except that gash. |
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| Even the Handle Has Marks |
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| Hair still wrapped around the inside of the unit. |
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| The Last Stray Hair |
They're Out
As far as I'm concerned, that's three strikes. After the first, I knew not to pre-order titles from them. After the second, I waited until they had other methods of shipping. There really is no way to measure whether or not Amazon is going to send out another item full of another man's pubes, and no way to tell whether they actually start inspecting returned products before billing them as new and shipping them out. I want to like Amazon. I like what they stand for, and what they've done with the market. I want to trust them. There really is little trusting to be done when you know they're not above sending you a guy's pubes as a Christmas present. Can you imagine if I'd intended to give this as a gift?
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